You said
"Now I have your attention"
As if the thought stumbled out into words
I wouldn't have minded
Giving it to you
I just still don't know
What to do with yours
When our words meet at their arranged times
It's as if you've written your will
And handed over everything to me
I have your attention
Your respect
Your friendship
Your real life
Your right now
Your anytime
Your furrowed forehead
Your rolling smile
You've given me your presence as if you had no use for it
And most of all you've given your eyes
Your deep, dark, midnight, smiling eyes
And I can't hold mine still
I dart
Cockroach on the countertop
Butterfly in the boxing match
You are wondering what fists I am dodging
You're asking what's so scary about this place
I am what's scary about this place
And I know those eyes can see me
Of the few that have tried looking
I know those eyes have taken off their gloves
Years before they saw me
Days before we met
You've tied them up on hat trees and coat hooks
And you have no thought of going out that door ever again
Only the back
Only the kitchen
Only the family entrance or the friend
I don't even like my face
And you want to know what I think
You want to know
me
And there's something
So terrifying
About that
Why don't you have a mask?
I mean I hate the bloody things
Why are you so comfortable in my wooden chairs or
On my scratchy floor
Why do you want to be here?
I thought we were all trying to leave
Why does it scare me so drastically
To give what's been given to me?
Do you want my bad puns and awkwardness?
Do you want my knack for making everyone uncomfortable?
Do you want the mess that spills out
Staining everyone else's coffee?
There's a part of me that falls asleep on the carpet
Wishing someone would come and roll me up
And take the trash out on the way out
There's a darkness much greyer than the black on your eyes
There's an amber warning light
But just like me in my job in IT, I can't tell what any of these indicators mean
My head is becoming the shape of this floor
And I've lost all the strength in my lungs
But the water holds the tempo of the sun
But somehow
Your eyes keep returning
Bearing gifts
And my smile betrays my hesitance
I hope you know
Your eyesight means the world to me
Even if I haven't figured out yet
How to look the same
I hope you don't lose my cause
Well before I'm well again
I hope someday we'll speak eye to eye
Without my masks and glances
No
I take them off
I am not a rickety place to be
I cannot be
It is as impossible as your ears
walking off
And you'd want me to be here too